the following blog comes from my "associate" drew everyday. i believe you were introduced in an earlier post of mine. he has something to get off his chest, so i have relinquished my forum to him, for the moment...
did you guys see that new smith movie? you know how he had that empty ass forced smile for most of it? guess what?
so do i now.
ive been noticing it for sometime now. that im not really, iunno, happy is how i would call it i guess. like i smile and there's nothing behind it but... emptiness. its starting to effect the way i relate to my friends and everything. like, i'm almost bitchy. me. thats not me. not at all. im the guy that brings life to every room. i'm not the guy standing alone in the cold, reflecting on everything he hasn't done. everything he should've done. things he doesn't want to, but has to, face. i'm starting to feel inadequate. i dont like it. after everything i've done for my own self actualization, it's a real downer, this feeling. it makes me wonder what i've done all this for, all this reevaluation of self. it's not her. no, i had a feeling that i was kidding myself awhile ago, so i wasn't shocked, or even dejected, when my intuition was affirmed. it kinda sucks that she knows i'm in it for her and all i know is she doesn't "crush". it just leaves more questions. i'll be damned if i stick around waiting for the answers while she looks to the past for her own. then there's this pending graduation.... i won't really get into it, but i wish i had longer to be, just be me, and not adult me, ya know? neway. ok im done, peace.
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