grammy's aint cool no mo'

jay "i've admitted several times that i dumb down my music for commercial success" z has been nominated for 46 grammys (not counting all of the 6 he's nominated for this year) in his career and has more than 14 wins (not counting the 3 he won tonight). andre "i'm the greatest MC of all time and here's the proof: you've never brought me up in the debate because my greatness is a given. ask talib kweli" 3000 has 20 grammy nods (precluding his 2 tonight) and only 6 wins (all with outkast). why is this a problem? let's examine the history books.

 

talib kweli: hip hop expert

what do you see in the all-time classics chapter's hip hop section? under all time classics? you see the numbers. jay z has 2 all time classics under his belt (reasonable doubt, the blueprint). how many do you see under andre 3000? i'll tell you. you see 4. twice as many as jay z. what are the four? as follows: southernplayalisticadillacmuzik, aquemini, stankonia, the love below. ok, so if you're a huge jigga mark you can make an argument for black album or even volume 2, but you don't question dre's classics. unless of course you're the grammy organization, in which case you've seen fit to reward the greatest MC of all time half as often as the richest.

straight from the A wants you to know they took that picture. click to hear my fave jay/kast collab

 now i don't want y'all to think i'm just taking a dump on grammy because i dislike jay z, because he's awesome. ok, fine. you want a more egregious example? lil "i jacked my flow from juvenile, Gilly the kid, and most recently drake" wayne has 18 nods and four wins not including this year. only 2 fewer than the greatest MC of all time. and MORE than NAS! Queens bridge's finest only has 9 nods prior to tonight. [link]

this guy has more grammys than Nas... 

and that's why i have a problem with grammy. ever since steely dan beat all the contemporary artists in the major categories (because they legitimately made the best music that year) and everybody (disclaimer: that terrible article caled lauryn hills '98 grammy success a goof... we at the drewniverse do not endorse that message, and in fact refute it vehemently), yours truly included (i was young and hadn't learned how to be sexy yet) threw a ratings killing fit, the grammys have become the AMA and billboards big cousin. same old chart humping formula ([popular * not terrible]/insufferability brought on by saturation = award) with a shiny new "we'll also nominate the black keys" veneer. here's the full list of winners and noms before we get started.

link

 i'm wrong? well then explain how you reconcile this:

 
 w/ this:

those are graphics of a pole conducted by the grammy website asking the people who they felt the voters would chose as the best album in the rap category vs the result. remember how grammy markets itself as the organization that awards the most outstanding music of the year? the people who answered that survey did, and cast their vote for the album they felt was best. what resulted was one of the most thorough ass whoopings i'd ever seen in a poll. 58% of the people thought the superb, provocative bitch slap to rap convention that is Food and liquor 2 was so good that the grammy voters had no choice but to acknowledge it.

however, in keeping with their decade long overreaction to the steely dan backlash, grammy went with the safe choice. the sweet cream ice cream bland "take care". the backlashers even knew that take care stood no chance, coming in with a laughable 18% chance of winning.

and this wasn't the only issue in that category. rick "i made the same song for 5 years" ross and 2 chainz (OK, he's cool) are nominated over the scintillating debut album from kendrick lamar? but they did it elsewhere, too. for example in the record of the year and new artist categories, the soft as tissue (and light bright lily white) Gotye won w/ his one single over the much more interesting and more prolific Frank Ocean (who also got snubbed for AotY). God forbid they reward the first openly gay mainstream urban artist and his anarchistic occultist crew OFWGKTA. and dub step is popular now, so the formerly "awards handed out earlier" segment staple, dance and electric categories were upgraded to the main show (i'm assuming. i didn't watch).

well it's late, and all this vitriol got me stressed. time to wind down with a jasmine and lavender bubble bath, sea weed wrap and full body guava oil rubdown...