shallah a dream

because i know people don't know how to separate stories and criticisms from hate, i gotta preface this entry by saying i'm a huge fan of the Wu, and the chef's "only built 4 cuban linx" is one of the greatest albums of all time. he had the best verse on "C.R.E.A.M.". he basically wrote a chapter in my hip hop life story. OK so now that we've established that i got love and respect for the chef as an artist and a man:

my theory is that watching the above video messed with my head. not on some psychological programming, or nothing  like that. i guess that a better way to say it would be that i saw the above video and the incredulousness of seeing Raekwon the Chef's uninformed knee-jerk reaction to a question about homosexuality in music while sitting next to Felicia "Snoop" Pearson, an openly gay and socially active actress and aspiring MC, sent my overactive synapses firing on overdrive. questions like, "did he not just hear Snoop talk freely about being openly gay in hip hop and how it was just her being herself?" and "he also just heard that it's people you wouldn't suspect who were LGBT in hip hop?" to craziness like "how long before her and Chris take the chef into one of those vacant houses for talking reckless?". it was interesting but at the time seemed to be only a brief distraction within the confines of that particular trip into the doldrums of the YouTubes.

"chef this pistol, nigga"

of course it wasn't over. when i finally laid my head down that night the weirdest dream came over me. is that a weird way to describe having a dream that it "came over you"? i don't know, i mean dreams aren't conscious. you don't decide that you're going to have a certain dream. you just sorta dream about whatever strange, psychologist's boner fuel happens to pass through your subconscious during your several  rem sleep sessions on a given night. and usually you can't control them. take the dream i''d been having before the one you're here for. over the course of about three nights i dreamed about having a dream only to wake up and find that i was still dreaming. eventually i figured out that i was dreaming and tried to wake myself up, and you know what? it still had a false ending. and then there's the thing that most skeptics assert to alien abduction stories.

see, during this series of dreams within  dreams (inception?) i experienced physical sensations. like in one a dog or something bit me on the ass, because dogs are assholes (get it? thank you! i'll be here all week) i woke up because i felt the teeth sink in to my luscious man cheeks.of course nothing was there, but i felt it. in a different dream from earlier, i got in a mild car accident, but the way i was aligned caused my spinal cord to sever. the crazy thing is i felt my body go numb. like i seriously could not move. the shock caused me to wake up. it couldn't have been for more than a few seconds but it felt like a few years, i shit you not when i say i could not move my arms or legs.

then there's the thing that i have just now decided to call  tearing back into reality. what's that? that's what happens when you realize you're dreaming and want to wake up, but the weight of the reality in your dream holds you in place so you have to literally tear through it and pull yourself into the waking world. ever seen somebody wake up really suddenly after stirring in slow mo for a few seconds? hats probably what happened to them. dreams are weird is my point. now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

so i had this dream later that night. in it i was like a Jules winnfieldian hitman or something. i don't know for sure, but the evidence suggests that. see i had THREE count em THREE pistols, and they were all shiny. like i took really good care of 'em. the plot to the dream was that someone had stolen my silver and black pistols and me and my gold pistol were off to get that MFer. when we found the person, (i don't remember whether it was a girl or guy. it was probably a girl, so for the sake of argument) she wanted me to  perform a hit if i wanted my pistols back. being that i didn't just shoot her and take my pistols (it had to be a girl, come to think of it. i always fuck up dudes that disrespect in my dreams. like the one where i spent the whole dream kicking this guy's ass because he tried to fight me. or the one where i had the epic final showdown with john cena in a cul de sac surrounded by the cast of 8 mile) i decided to do the job. she showed me the video of the person i was to hit and it was Raekwon the Chef. i asked why i had to hit one of the auteurs of hip hop and she said, "keep watching".

"... and furious anger"

so as i watched the video got stranger. first rae's voice got lighter and lighter, more like a deep voiced lady than a gruff rappers voice. then his hair grew and straightened so it hung over his shoulder like Cher in the 70s. then homie started to grow boobs! u was like "wtf is happening to Shallah Raekwon?!" she then scrolled down and i saw the caption for the video: "raekwon talks about being the first transgender rapper" i kept thinking "damn, as long as i've been into Wu Tang how did i never notice Raekwon changing into a lady?". then i woke up.


the moral of this story is, some rappers need to enlighten their views on the world or they might end up the subject of a gender bending revenge epic in the recesses of the drewniverse...