guest: HIM

by him i mean the one who created me. the one who gave me the tools to become your dark warrior. today this man confided in me. i asked if i could share with you what he shared with me. he said yes. so i now present this mans words to you:

nanerpus makes me laugh. a laugh really feels good right now. i needed a good one.
well, i have mixed feelings about the events that have transpired over the past 24 hours. there's been some good and some bad. some strange. some expected. some out of nowhere, left fieldsy stuff. lets explain.
BAD: i hurt someone i care about. i told them that i had feelings for someone else (which is true) and that i had feelings for them (also true, but different. i'll explain now) it's not that i dont have feelings, it's just that those feelings arent romantic. for the person i hurt, that is. i care about her feelings and dont want to hurt them, or anyone to hurt them for that matter. but im not in to her in that way, despite what we've done (nothing was planned, it kinda just happened). and i feel terrible because i knew she was going to become emotionally entangled and i knew it would hurt when i told her what was going on with me. and it did. and that is something that im going to regret.
GOOD: the girl who i have feelings for (romantic ones) finally decided to come clean about her feelings for me (she wants me!!!!!!! she really does!!!!!!!!) she even wrote me a two page letter! that makes me feel like all this bs i've been trudging through, a sum of it of my own making, is worth it if we wind up together. i really want this thing to work out. i mean you dont even know how badly i want this to work.
BAD: we both have loose ends to tie up. she's in a relationship and i'm, well, not in one, but you guys know the situ of which i speak.
GOOD: the weight has been lifted
BAD: i just found out i may have to wait untill the summer to walk. yep. turns out there were two classes (non-major, mind you) that i missed, and i may not have any other courses that can be massaged into place as replacements.
GOOD: the pressures gone. now i can go on with the rest of the semester, chill up here for the summer, walk and still be on schedule (the one i made for myself [someones law school by 2010 fall]). mama wont like it, but in the end it may be best. it means i get to see some things through that i may not have bee able to before. it also means that i wont be sitting in charlotte or durham with no gig and nothing to do for those summer months. and who knows, mybe penny and busko can work a little magic and make something outta nothing. we'll see. i;ve got this strange since of optimism that wasnt there a week ago when no one was mad at me, i thought i had lost all chances with the girl, and graduation loomed like a dark omen staring through me. i feel like i'm ready for it. ready to meet the world head on, instead standing there like a man in front of a firing squad just waiting for the first bullet to hit.
in conclusion, life is hitting me at nationwide speed, but it's better it happens now while i can deal with it than it happen later when it might cost me more than a relationship and a semester. ces't la vie. bitches.