i have been looking into this guy, drew everyday. he seems to be on the up and up, but as you will see from this list of twenty-five things that i have discovered about him, he raises a number of questions.
1. Drew's cooler than you. deal with it. (he's certainly sure of himself)
2. Drew's better than moultrie. he knows why (moultrie. why does that sound familiar?)
3. never try and fuck with drew. especially not on crenshaw (refers the masacre on crenshaw. ive heard tales of the incident)
4. chuck norris wears drew pajamas to bed. so does superman (for the record there was only circumstantial evidence in regards to this)
5. there is no chin under drews beard. just another drew. (yet to be seen)
6. when us troops pulled sadam out of the hole he wasn't worried about the US invasion. he was hiding because he tried to fuck with drew (his last words were "i never should've fucked with drew". that is on record)
7. the constitution gives us the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of drew. (this cant be true)
8. cleanliness is next to drewliness (he does maintain a certain level of hygene)
9. drew once went diamond... in the streets (no official record of this)
10. the only thing we have to fear is drew itself (i believe he said this in an interview)
11. man cannot live by bread alone. he must also not ever fuck with drew (if the crenshaw reports are true, this may be more prudent than i originally suspected)
12. in the year of our lord 1987, God said "let there be drew" and it was so (his birth year)
13. it is a law of physics that two drew's cannot occupy the same space at the same time. the results could be catastrophic (also true for people named sven and angus)
14. the five greatest rappers of all time? drew, drew... drew, drew, and drew (debatable)
15. drew shot the deputy (official reports named no suspect)
16. drew once caught a bullet with his bare hands. the bullet and the gun subsequently apologized for their transgression before growing legs and running back to the manufacturer to hide. (there were witnesses to this unlikely event)
17. there are only three definites in this life: death, taxes, and drew (there have been close to two billion drew sightings)
18. drew is the cure for the common cold (not a scientific fact)
19. there were once 8 days in the week: monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday friday, saturday, sunday, and moonday. moonday tried to fuck with drew. there are now 7 days in a week. (i checked and there was an 8 day week at one point. no mention of thename of the day or the circumstances that led to the revision to 7)
20. drew once performed open heart surgery and delivered a baby at the same time. on the same woman. (i was there)
21. rome was built in a week. it took nine months to make drew. (it takes nine months to make everyone)
22. drew is the walrus. coo-coo-kachoo (investigation in progress)
23. drew once kicked an 80 yard field goal in finger football (he is unusually gifted at finger football)
24. if at first you dont succeed, you're not drew. (i cant say ive seen him fail at much. i cant say ive seen him do much to fail at)
25. drew= mc² (this is a scientific fact)
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