the president asked me to deliver a message

2 days in march: the official DIUU tachikoma

dook university prof. miguel nicolelis has been making striking breakthroughs in bio-neurological technologies. with his research, it will soon be possible for humans to conquer physical limitations by linking your mind to mechanical apparati! He's already perfected the "monkey-moving-a-robot-with-only-his-thoughts" conundrum (mankind will be sure to thank you for the robomonkey insurrection that's all but assured now) in fact, there are hopes that this research will allow disabled people who have lost the ability to use their limbs a new lease on life! naturally we here at DIUU, being of both monetary and intellectual means, were well ahead of the curve! therefore we were wondering when tachikomas were going to be available to the public!

 what's a tachikoma? well, i'm glad you asked! a tachikoma is a sentient battle tank, personal assistant and all around bad ass transport device, in other words a literal "think tank". it's the only thing i know of that can help you study for a test, get you there on time, AND kick that kid who steals your lunch money's ass. it's that awesome. here's how one looks:

 

awesome, right? that's just the basic, or "true blue", model. here's ours terrorizing old guys and kittens on a boardwalk:

 you read the title, right

want one? i know you do. we have three. tres. trois. here's our battle ready edition:

note the camouflage and the sensible muted black lettering, perfect for staying incognito while blowing stuff up! oh yeah, we got a sweet yellow and black sports edition complete with official DIUU barcode decal, because why the hell not?

well, that's it. our tachikoma collection. literally sunk our entire fortune into it, but, F*** YOU! we've got three now! us 1, reasonable spending and wealth management 0. til next time...

the anticipatory blog

ok, bitches, this here blog isn't real a blog at all. i know what you're thinking.... let me explain. ya see, on my previous blog (the still active, if unutilized, myspace page) there was this tradition where every year i would announce who the worlds greatest fuck-ups were. i called it the fuck-up of the year award. well, guess what bitches? i'm bringing it to DIUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! try to contain your euphoria. not sure when i'll have my list finished for last year but it should be coming soon....


ps, since the decade ended guess what else is coming? the (wait for it) FUCK-UP OF THE DECADE AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gasp* spaz now if you please...